Ray is away at work, looking for new homes and planning for the very near future. I shared this story with him last night but was still a little weirded out for lack of a better term and didn’t want to blog about it. I decided since I was so vocal about advocating, I needed to share.
Does it ever seem that when you really want something or start thinking about something you notice it more? Does it seem like everything around you points to that one thing? Right now, I’m surrounded by pregnant people. They are EVERYWHERE! It comes out of the carpet or more like out of the Facebook. Do I want to be pregnant right now? No. Not really. I would love to have an itty bitty baby nustling into my neck. The smell of their sweet milky breath while they are sleeping soundly on my chest would be welcome. To hear that little cry in the middle of the night, I don’t think I would mind it. I have come to the realization that that itty bitty thing is not in God’s plan right now no matter how much I want it to be. Just when I think I’m okay with that, I start thinking about itty bitty toes and terry cloth sleepers. It probably doesn’t help that we are purging before the move and I just donated more than I want to think about to our church.
That’s where I am now. Noticing giant bellies and the smells of Johnson’s and Johnson’s. Distracting myself with 2 tween wannabees and a firecracker of an almost 2-year old. In the middle of all this we are trying to prepare everyone for some big time change. New school, new home, new job, sale or rent, rent or buy, which city, which school district… all choices we need to make over the next few months. In all those choices I am feeling pretty peaceful but I have been teasing Ray and a few other friends that it would be nice if God would just send me an email. I’d love to hear his expectations. It would great if I could hear choose this, not that. This is where I want you right now. That sort of thing.
So, I’m packing up all my stuff. I’m crying over the stupid expensive nursing pillow as I put it in the donation pile. Nursing was not my thing. I don’t even like it, still I was in mourning. I am a professional hostess and I was throwing a pretty awesome self pity party when I sat down at my computer to check email. As I’m thinking, God could you just send me a message. This is what appeared in my inbox. I wasn’t even surfing for it.
Oh my. I hear you now. There are bigger things than my wants. Not what I asked for but it’s filtering in. Would it work if I asked for more detailed instructions?