I’ll admit it. We just started and I’m already aggravated.
I’ve heard others talk about being frustrated and aggravated through this process. I hope it’s not self fulfilling prophesy because of an expectation I have. I want to be real about this though. I am FRUSTRATED! We are just getting started. It’s already feeling difficult. Maybe it’s the migraine talking. Maybe it’s the way things are going to forever creep along. Maybe it’s that I just want it to be done but this is hard. Maybe it’s that a new list is expected tonight and we aren’t eligible for those kids yet. I know the blessings will come. I know it will be worth it. I’m wondering where that over the hump will be.
We had our in home meeting this week. I wasn’t very stressed about it considering the kids were home for spring break. The house was picked up. It was mostly clean. I felt ready. I moved all of our cleaning supplies to high shelves. I baby proofed as much as I could a house that has never really been baby proofed. In the end, it wasn’t perfect. I guess I failed to meet an expectation I had for myself.
Ray is a safety officer for the navy. We have always been extra careful with the kids because we thought in the end, if something was going to happen, it would happen to us. This social worker let us know, in front of Arleigh who is now totally freaked out, exactly how many fire hazards are in our home. She told me I picked a totally unacceptable room for a baby to sleep in. Bedrooms would have to rearranged. When I started doing that in my head, I apparently still had the wrong idea. I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. It wasn’t so bad. It just feels bad today.
I’m told that we should get our papers notarized on base. That will save steps. Wait. We can’t have an officer do it, it needs a seal. Wait, there aren’t seals at the clinic. I don’t have privileges at the the clinic because I was farmed out. I have to jump through hoops to see a doctor with Bria in tow because Ray is leaving town.
I need to get fingerprints done on base. I need to get fingerprints done at the UPS store. I need 2 sets of professional passport pictures done. Ray wants to take them himself. I am not a professional photographer. This morning it feels like I’m really having to fight absolutely everyone to get this done.
I have this nagging feeling that there is a child waiting on us. He’s laying in a pitiful little orphanage somewhere thinking would you hurry it up!?! It’s a hard thought for a passionate procrastinator. I know logically that it should be God’s timing and not mine. Then I think he gave me free will to move my butt and get it done. It’s hard when I have to wait and depend on other people.
Our social worker didn’t finish the interviews. She can’t see me again until a week from today. I need to get too much notarized and out in the mail. I need to get to the sheriff’s office. I need to…I need to…I need to… and it seems impossible to do with 3 kids running behind me. I was told not to take them all to the sheriff’s office in Memphis. I’m hoping Arlington can do it for me.
I’m going to speak for Ray now. He may kill me later. His frustrations come from other things. There are so many hoops to jump through. Our government has spent so much money investigating and giving him a high clearance. It’s amazing that he has to jump through these hoops and pay money to jump through them. The navy has cleared our whole family at one time or another, still, Shelby County needs to say we’re okay. He won’t tell me but he has be frustrated with me trying to rush things too.
I know that probably within a year, we’ll have a new little face to love. I know it will all be worth it. It’s hard knowing that a new list is coming out today. I wonder if he will be on it and forced to wait for us. I know it’s God’s timing and not mine. I know I’m not patient and I hate learning it.
I know. I know. I know. I know it will be worth it in the end.
I need to remember the verse I made Hanan memorize not long ago.
Philippians 4:6 (New International Version)
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.