I read something today that I want to remember. I picked up a book I started a couple of months ago and laid down. I wasn’t feeling my usual self, so I read this afternoon somewhere in between loads of laundry.

The author told a story of two 80-year old women. They died in a tragic accident while doing mission work in a foreign country. Each lived a very different type of life, but both lives were lived always in selfless service to God.

The author then told a story of a couple who in their 60s had recently retired to FL. They worked hard their whole lives, raised their children and were finally able to carry out their dream. They had a nice house on the water and a new boat. They spent their days playing softball and hunting for seashells. It was their time to relax after years of toil and labor. He also mentioned that they were faithful church goers.

The next paragraph described a time when all those parties would eventually have to meet up with Jesus. The author asked the question, who do you want to be, one of the women who died serving or the retiree with a bucket of seashells.

That story made me think about the plans I had for retirement when Ray and I were first married. I dreamed of moving back to Kentucky, close to the lake. I had my house all picked out. There would be a long drive, by a pond with weeping willow trees. I had the house plan picked out. It was called the Evergreen, complete with a portico and winding staircase build just for prom pictures. The house would set on a wooded lot so Ray could have his hammock, but when you stepped out the back, there would be no tree in site because that’s where the pool would be. Fifteen years ago, I never really gave much thought to the pool house, outdoor kitchen and flat screen TV that sit just over my fence at our neighbor’s house. Boy howdy when it’s 90 degrees and I’m push mowing the yard, I give their pool and waterfall quite a bit of envious consideration. How nice and dreamy that life would be. Eventually to have my grandchildren coming to play, to see the horses. That life was once my dream.

We are only four years away from the possibility of Ray retiring from the military. I used to joke and tell him that the first 20 were his, the rest would be mine. I don’t want that weight on my shoulders anymore. I don’t want the Evergreen either. I’m not really sure what the future holds anymore. I know it’s no longer about what I want.

Where do you see yourself after you retire? Will you retire? Are we meant to be idle? I guess I need to finish this book.