Today I ventured out to search for the impossible… a bathing suit. I know there have been one million posts by people about the dread and the sheer horror of bathing suit shopping. It’s the same for me. If I could sit at the water park fully clothed, I might try it. No one needs to see my white dimpled thighs or the things that droop. I don’t want to think about you staring at it anymore than you want to be blinded by it.

The thing is, I have kids. I have kids that don’t always swim well. Going into the water is required. That means a bathing suit is required. In the past, I’ve been able to manage with a maternity suit because let’s face it, I’m always pregnant or look like I am. I got rid of the maternity clothes and the bathing suit when we moved so it is time for a new one.

My sweet husband saved a coupon for my favorite fat girl store and off I went. I’ve lost a smidge of weight so while I was dreading it, I wasn’t in a horrible mood. I go in pushing the stroller. Bria is informing me that I need a bathing suit with panties like hers. Lucky me, I have a coupon and they are on sale. They are pretty picked over. I didn’t have much to choose from. I pick out a couple and head for the dressing room.

The first one has a tag that says, “Lose 10 pounds in 10 seconds…The Miracle Suit!” That sounds like the suit for me. I put it on. I look in the mirror and I think, “Great! I am looking pretty good considering I have about 60 more pounds to lose. If I put on a skirt, I might pull this off.” Then I turn around. I swear every ounce of fat on my body must have pushed out of the back of that suit. I had back boobs. The only thing I could do was laugh, hysterically. I also wondered if I could find a way to hide the back because from the front, I looked good!

Oh well… I settled for another suit that covered a bit more. I’m hoping it works out but I’ll be showing it to another human before I leave the house in it.

Just because I’m evil. I thought I would let you know that I’m counting my blessings. As bad as my back fat was, it wasn’t even close to this…

I think I saw her at my Wal-Mart last week.