I wish I could say that my blogging absence has been caused by reading 7. Thick in the middle I should have totally been convicted to give up internet for lent. Convicted, maybe…acting on it…clearly not. Thankfully Arleigh and Nana Bonnie never fail to remind me when I’ve missed a day. Grandma probably hears it all twice, wait maybe three times… phone, then blog, then Facebook. Sorry Grandma. Just call me Uncle Hailey.

I decided to condense several posts into one. It may only be interesting to people related to us, hopefully my misadventures in parenting are at least a little humorous.

On Saturday we hit the Memphis Agri-Center for the Boat and RV show with Nana and Papa. Besides the ridiculously expensive root beer that Ray bought me in a beautiful blue bottle, the highlight was a water skiing squirrel named Twiggy. Seriously.

There should be a disclaimer that reads, the photos were taken with my phone while trying to prevent Bria and Jack from jumping into the squirrel poop infested kiddy pool. I wish I was kidding. Travel in a pack that includes two tweens and your bound to have those little chocolate like bits of goodies pointed out to you…repeatedly. After being grossed out with Twiggy’s “Mommy” standing in said pool with Twiggy, I suddenly realized if I were a squirrel forced to ride behind a motorized boat in front of thousands hundreds 75 people, I would probably crap myself too.

All things considered it was cute. Bria got to hug Twiggy when it was over. I got a lesson in rabies from Twiggy’s “Mommy” who was clearly offended by the fact that I had no desire to play with her “baby.” I didn’t tell her that where I’m from, squirrels are little more than rats with bushy tails and are really only good for stew meat for the starving. I did tell her that I haven’t touched a squirrel since I was a kid and Nate Galloway was bit after cornering one and then had to have a gazillion rabies shots in his stomach. I don’t know about Nate, but Gran telling me the story repeatedly and telling me to chase the bunnies with a salt shaker instead of the squirrels must have had an adverse reaction on my psyche. If you’re curious, they gave us the salt shaker and told us it we got salt on a bunny’s tail, it would fall off. I have no idea of the truth of that statement since the bunnies were so much faster than my chubby legs could carry me. On another note… if Nate Galloway is on Facebook, someone better tell me before he sees this blog. I haven’t seen him in ten years but I think I’ve mentioned him twice recently. It would be nice to catch up.

We’ve also finished another school project.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Arleigh’s book report included creating a poster board that would illustrate the book she chose. She was supposed to cut a hole for her face and holes for her hands so that she could give her report as the main character of a biography. I admit to feeling a bit validated. Her teacher didn’t want her to do her report on Soul Surfer. The guideline for the report was a biography on a person who had changed their community. For a tween, I thought Bethany Hamilton was the ultimate pick, especially since we are constantly dealing with self esteem issues around here and there’s the upcoming move to Hawaii. Guess what! Arleigh’s teacher asked if she could keep the poster board to use as an example. She told me she had been afraid that Arleigh would watch the movie instead of reading the book. Arleigh’s report included the fact that she liked the book more than the movie.

Jack got a little note from school this week too. I get an AppleGram every time he goes telling me how he did. There is a spot that says Jack made me smile when… On Tuesday, it read “Jack made me smile laugh when he peed on my foot! Things weren’t pointing in the direction I thought they were ;)” I’m so thankful that if it had to be anyone it was sweet Jen. Somehow she knows, we just have to laugh. I think flip flops might be in her end of the year teacher appreciation gift… and some foot sanitizer.

On a completely different note I think that dads grandparents parents who don’t regularly go through the car line should have their own car line. They think they do anyway. A couple of days ago, a dad did a u-turn cutting me off. I said my Penguins of Madagascar motto, “Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave…” He then proceeded to hold up the line twice most likely because of his phone. I can say that because no normal human being stares at their crotch that much. Lucky for me I didn’t have to blow my horn… the crossing guards whistled. Am I the only one who would be humiliated?

If you try to reach me and my phone is dead, this might be why…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How old is this kid anyway? Nana was completely down and out with a head cold on Wednesday when Bria and Jack were out of school. I was trying to keep Bria quiet so that hopefully Nana could nap it off. Thankfully, she’s not 100% but she’s much better. I may or may not also be scalding the kiddos hands washing them up… Anyway, Bria is the loudest person in the house. It is super hard to keep her quiet. She had gotten up at 4:30 because of a storm. She was acting tired. I gave her my phone to play a game. A couple of hours later, I guess she thought she had permission. I found her in her bed. At least she was playing an educational game instead Temple Run…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last… I started reading From Blah to Awe by Jenna Lucado Bishop with the big girls last night after Bria and Jack were tucked into bed. That first section of the first chapter… Oh my word! It seems like we just had “The Talk.” We’re off onto what a prostitute is. (It’s been mentioned at school.) Poor Hanan. We went from a definition to why on earth to people like that enough to pay for it? Then the next question came… “Does Daddy like it?” Pray for me folks. I think I just walked into a mine field.