It’s Official

Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Ramblings | 2 comments

It’s official folks! We now hold the coveted white trash label. Thank you Bria! I’m sure we are the talk of the neighborhood.

Let me backtrack. It’s become our custom to eat dinner, clean up and let the kids run themselves ragged play at the park until time for baths. Several other families hold to the same schedule so it can get kind of busy but we like it. It gives us the opportunity to meet some of our neighbors with kids the same age.

Let’s backtrack some more. Tonight, I can proudly say I fed my children white trash crap food… Taquitos with extra sour cream and leftover refried beans. Stop it! Save your judgement for later in the post. Eating crap wasn’t without reason. I had a cat scan scheduled for 6 at Tripler. I had no idea how long it would take me to get there. I never have any idea how many children will be eating dinner at my house. This allowed me to fix food and supervise homework watch Arleigh help Bria with her homework and pull myself together with a shower.

I left. Ray had everyone fed and the kitchen cleaned up before I got back home. He was sitting on the porch and I walked over to the park with Jack. Bria needed to potty. She likes to use the potty right by the playground instead of coming home. I couldn’t tell you why. Let’s just leave it at she’s four. She runs in. Then I hear, “Mama! I need to help!” I saunter over thinking great she wants me to wipe her butt. Umm. Nope. She couldn’t get the door to lock, had a bit of an emergency and well… you see where this is going. Poo everywhere. Well, not technically everywhere just all over Bria and her nether regions. I pull up what I can and tell her to get home. There is no way I can clean it up there. Besides, I’m from Kentucky. If all else fails there is always a garden hose.

As we are walking as quickly as we can, her shorts start to fall. Ray is watching from the porch. Then Ray is pointing from the porch. I look at Bria’s shorts are at her knees. Can it get worse? Did I mention there is high traffic at the little playground in the evenings? I tell her to just kick them off and run for the house. Ray keeps asking, “What is happening!?!” I just follow behind. Herding Bria to the downstairs bath.

Meanwhile… Jack is at the park being watched by his older sisters and his father from the front porch. No Mama in sight apparently means time to shop for a new one. He walks over the brand spanking new neighbor climbs up in her lap and proceeds to jabber away. Arleigh grabbed him, apologized and was appropriately mortified as any tween would be. She brought him home and sat him down in the bathroom door. “Hi Jack!”

Panties are in the trash. Jack is playing in his room. Bria is in the tub. Arleigh and Hanan are playing in the alley. Ray is on the porch and I swear I can hear the chatter… “Well those Stiffs…” So we’ve been in the house almost two months. I’d say it’s about time we earned that White Trash title. Aloha neighbors! The Stiffs have arrived.

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  1. funny mom but you don’t have to tell
    the world Bria pooped her pants!!!!!!
    Love, Princess Hanan Hope

  2. You have to at least be the most interesting family in the neighborhood! One day in College Station, TX the doorbell rang. It was a teenaged boy from next door (the really, really cute one) with Karyn on his arm. She was around 2 yo and a total potty training failure just like her sisters before her so it was no real surprise that her bare butt was hanging over Brandon’s arm. She had stepped on something and there was a drop of blood on the sidewalk with every step he took. Oh…did I mention that behind Brandon was EVERY child in the entire neighborhood? Of every age that could walk? Yep….and no mama in sight anywhere til I answered the door.

    It was a kid’s paradise there….cul-de-sac with a huge church behind the next door neighbor. We had the 4 girls. On one side of us was 4 boys and the other side was 4 girls and 2 boys. That’s 14 kids in 3 houses!! Then there were all the other houses across and down the street…….When I needed my kids I just stood outside and yelled til they answered. Classy!

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