This weekend there was nothing on the schedule. I’m not sure if that was good or bad. The empty pockets of time when I would pick up my phone are the worst. I cried over the cards that have flooded my mailbox. I cried over the cards that I put in too. I fought tears at church yesterday then I taught wee worship. I giggled when I realized that Mom always says, “My Grandmother used to say to save your tears for when you really need them.” Pretty sure teaching wee worship qualifies. Not really, but OH MY!
My local buddies are really concerned. We disappeared for a week and a half. They love to talk story so they need details. One of the first things that they ask is how many siblings I have. They’re shocked. One sibling. I am the minority…again. Most have a least 5 and up to 10. Not. Even. Kidding. I tell them it’s all good, mom picked up three spares and a sister. They laugh and shake their heads and ask more questions.
I feel guilty if I cry in front of the kids. I feel guilty if I don’t cry enough. Life has to go on… Life shouldn’t go on… It’s an endless circle.
So many people have offered to help. What can they do for mom? I truly wish I knew. What can be done? I wish I knew what to do for her. Being far away makes it easier and harder. I don’t have the number of daily reminders but when it hits, it’s usually pretty ugly.
If I haven’t said thank you… thank you. Thank you for the calls, texts, messages and especially the prayers. I appreciate each one. Now excuse me while I look for my big girl panties. I seem to be losing them alot lately.