This Weekend
This weekend there was nothing on the schedule. I’m not sure if that was good or bad. The empty pockets of time when I would pick up my phone are the worst. I cried over the cards that have flooded my mailbox. I cried over the cards that I put in too. I fought tears at church yesterday then I taught wee worship. I giggled when I realized that Mom always says, “My Grandmother used to say to save your tears for when you really need them.” Pretty sure teaching wee worship qualifies. Not really, but OH MY!
My local buddies are really concerned. We disappeared for a week and a half. They love to talk story so they need details. One of the first things that they ask is how many siblings I have. They’re shocked. One sibling. I am the minority…again. Most have a least 5 and up to 10. Not. Even. Kidding. I tell them it’s all good, mom picked up three spares and a sister. They laugh and shake their heads and ask more questions.
I feel guilty if I cry in front of the kids. I feel guilty if I don’t cry enough. Life has to go on… Life shouldn’t go on… It’s an endless circle.
So many people have offered to help. What can they do for mom? I truly wish I knew. What can be done? I wish I knew what to do for her. Being far away makes it easier and harder. I don’t have the number of daily reminders but when it hits, it’s usually pretty ugly.
If I haven’t said thank you… thank you. Thank you for the calls, texts, messages and especially the prayers. I appreciate each one. Now excuse me while I look for my big girl panties. I seem to be losing them alot lately.
Bless you sweet friend!!! XOXO
Comment
Well you know me , I just went from rubbing tears down my face to laughing out loud and being pissed all in about 5 minutes ! I’m not sure when the last time was for me to have written a letter . But, I’m pretty sure I just did to u ! When I went to submit it my email was wrong so when I went to change it everything I said disappeared. Jay just asked me if I was really going to type it all again !
You have been on my mind everyday . I’m not good at expressing my feeling with all the right words . I’m not sure at a time like this if anything i say could help. I’m sorry ! I’m sorry for the pain your feeling , I’m sorry your a million miles away. I’m sorry I can’t take it all away. I’m sorry for not letting you know before now how I really feel. I’m sorry I never told Tye, I love you . I can’t not imagine not ever having u and Tye in our lives. I believe there is always good . I can only hope this brings us closer. I can’t ever imagine the pain you feel . I just want u you know I’m alway here. I can do whatever is needed . I may not always know what’s best but with your help . I want to make a promise to u I will do my best to see after jk . Janice is one of a kind and I look up to her in so many ways. I believe jk and dad are good for each other . I believe God has his hands on her and is going to give her the strength to learn how to move on .. I know this is something she will never get over but I believe she is a very stiong person who has a lot of faith in God. I believe God will lead her in a way no one else can . I’m proud jk wanted to pick up all the spares because I don’t know what we would do without her. You are always in my prayers. Time slips away so fast . When I got the call , 10years past before me . I know Tye knew in his heart I loved him, I would have done anything he asked . I just wish I had told him . So guess what , I hope you know I love you . Because I do .