I thought I would just enlighten you to some things I’ve learned watching my girls play soccer in Hawaii for the first time. 

First up… never sign up for snacks on the same day that you’ll have to get your husband to the airport BEFORE the game. In spite of the fact that I thought I was super organized…like pretzels, yogurt and candy in individual gallon sized bags with cold bottles of Gatorade in the cooler under that husband’s suitcase, I forgot something. If your me, you realize as you are making that left turn into the soccer complex that you left the grapes and oranges for halftime snuggly tucked at home in the ‘fridge. Being as there is no husband, you can’t just drop him and player off at the field and do a u-turn. No, you have to go into Foodland in Hawaii and heaven forbid pay $25 for two bags of grapes and a bag of cuties. Seriously! Just don’t sign up. It was the grapes that got me. They totaled out at almost $16.50. The same bad was on sale this week at the commissary for a whopping $2.99.

The other thing I’ve learned is that living on an island in the South Pacific has similarities to an island in the North Atlantic. When we lived in Iceland, I never bothered with umbrellas because the rain just blew right under it with all the wind. Well, it doesn’t rain nearly as often here and it doesn’t last long but in the first 10 minutes of Arleigh’s game in spite of the fact that I was sitting in a beach chair, low to the ground under and umbrella, I looked like I had just jumped in a lake. Before the storm…

In other news, that sort of rain washes away makeup and sunscreen. In case you were wondering. I need a bag with towels and sunscreen in the back of the van.

When the other coach is screaming his fool head off in Pidgin… the game is so much more entertaining. I wish I could show you. It went something like this, “Kaia! Kaia! You don’t tro dat ball again. Let somebody else tro it!” (Poor girl kept coming off her feet.) “Really. Jus do dis.” Imagine a grown Hawaiian man making a wild half kicking motion while shrugging. Then the other “Offsides again. They in blue! It’s not hard!”  Can you read it in the accent please? It makes it much more entertaining. Please don’t think I’m making fun. I love it here and only wish I could pull off Pidgin like I try to pull off everything else. (and if you ask my children fail miserably.)

This might not have anything to do with Hawaii. My daughter was told I’m too pushy. She gorked her ankle. No swelling. No bruising. I grabbed her some ibuprofen and said, let’s tape her and get her back out there. She played the rest of the quarter after she got hurt. There were no subs. Seems totally reasonable right? They decided since they were up, they would play with just 10. They still won. Arleigh is still babying her ankle a bit. It’s still not blue or swollen. I told her if Wayne Jackson had been there she would have been back out on the field. He would have thrown some tape on me and muttered something about not letting the team down when they were short players. 

I’ve learned the new terms for soccer. Way back when I played, I thought I was an inside forward. Apparently it’s secondary striker. Who knew… Right now I should also admit my experience is limited to intramural teams in college because no one in their right mind in Kentucky in the ’80’s played anything but basketball. Right now my girls are playing midfield defense most of the time. Hanan and I are both easily distracted. It’s not the best position for either of us. I’ve also learned I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I may soon be looking for a muzzle. I may or may not have heard yesterday, “One coach is telling me one thing, one coach is telling me something else and all I hear is you screaming take the ball.” Arleigh was cringing with her bad foot on ice at the time. 

I’ve learned that tweens are slightly better than teens at picking a team’s name. Honestly, why are we leaving this up to the children? One team is the Tidal Waves. I get it. I can roll with that. The other team is The Infinity. How is that even a name? Do you know how weird it is yell “Go Infinity?” What about hearing other dads yell “Go Infinity and Beyond!” Is Beyond the other team’s name? Next season the name is going to be something even worse like Totes Jelly. What happened to animal names? I’d even take Hawaiian animal names like mano at this point. (That means shark in case you aren’t completely obsessed with all things Hawaiian like me.)

Guess what… we’ve only played three games with each team. Bria hasn’t been able to start yet and we play until almost Thanksgiving. You’re clearly going to be hearing plenty more from me. Go Tidal Waves and Infinity! Please, let Bria’s team be the Ladybugs…