There is a price to be paid for living in paradise. That price isn’t always that your are freezing to death when the temperature dips below 70 and the trade winds are howling. Seriously, last night I put on long pants and sleeves for the first time in over a year. I also recently told Bria and Jack to get back in the car at soccer practice lest we lose our fingers and toes to frost bite in our slippers only to discover it was 73 degrees outside. Hawaii has ruined me! But I digress…
The real price to be paid is the sneaky creepy crawlie creatures that lurk in corners and appearwhen you least expect it. I grew up in Kentucky. I have a good healthy fear of snakes and know how to use a hoe when necessary. My mother will tell you that there aren’t many things that scare me. I will admit to being startled by snakes now and again…and creeped out when they strike at my hiking shoes. I almost took a dip in a creek on a mountain once over a little green snake and Ray has never let me live it down. Point is, I’ll scream and promptly kill it. I’ve been known to step on spiders with my giant hobbit feet. Centipedes are not something I’ll trifle with.
Mornings are a bit chaotic in our house. My children have a bit of me in them. They are often filled with, “Mom! I want home lunch!” and “Mom can you please sign this?” and “Mom, where’s my …” You get the idea. Fridays are one of the worst. Everything is due. I’m headed to boot camp right after school. Hanan wanted one of my old sweatshirts. Bria wanted something else. Jack was being slow. I opened a drawer, grabbed the iPad and started walking upstairs. I was still in pajamas. I thought a thread or something was hanging from my gown. I was almost at the top of the stairs looked down and there was a 6-inch centipede on my shin. If you’ve ever lived in a tropical area, centipedes and scorpions are heart attack worthy if they are on your skin.
I was on the stairs. It was a miracle that I didn’t break my neck. I flicked it. It landed on the baseboard at the top of the stair well. I asked Hanan to get my little broom and dustpan. Meet my friend.
It’s blurry. I guess my hands were shaking a little.
I grabbed a hatchet and took it to the patio. Let me back up. He was in a dustpan and I was almost dying with fear that he would jump out on my arm. I might instinctively swing and lose and appendage. Those boogers are fast. I guess I would be too if a giant was chasing me with a hatchet. I managed to get it it two pieces. It was still moving in two different directions. I made the command decision that the piece with the pinchers was the most important. I proceeded to chop and squish and chop and squish. I was outside in my pajamas acting a fool. Hanan opened the door and asked what I was doing. Overkilling the centipede of course.
I walked away with all my limbs attached and nothing bloody. Frankly this was another miracle because did I mention that I was wielding a hatchet barefoot on my patio chasing a very fast creepy crawlie. May my new friend rest in pieces.