Sometimes people say that blogs are all sunshine and rainbows and people don’t talk about the real stuff. The things that happen every day. We have a lot of blue skies and rainbows around here, a fair amount of sunshine too. It’s easy for me to post pictures about all the
good great things that happen around here on a daily basis. Today, I’m going to fess us. I had one of those brown cloud moments.
I like to tell my kids that circumstance is not an excuse. Well, that holds true for me today. Just because I’m stressed out about our schedule and everything that I should make happen over the course of a day doesn’t mean I can be ugly to other people. Today, I was ugly. I’ve apologized but can’t truly make up for my behavior. Even though circumstance is not an excuse, I feel very human and need to explain the backstory.
I’ve just returned from a nice but emotionally exhausting trip back home. We arrived to an excellent camping adventure. I’m still not caught up on laundry and we had a wonderful week-long visit with old friends. Toward the end of their visit, we started soccer camp for the girls. Arleigh and Hanan are in the same group, making it somewhat easier, but I either have to schedule carpools or be prepared to be out of pocket four times for drop off and pick up each day. Our visitors are gone, but three kids playing long hours of soccer, trying to entertain Bria and Jack while getting everything done apparently wears on me by the end of the week. Add to that I decided to fix dinner for one of the coaches tonight. While he would probably be happy with grilled cheese, I decided to make a big southern dinner because I’m apparently crazy. It required a trip to the commissary in-between soccer drop offs and pick ups. And I chose roast that I have to get in the oven EARLY.
Last night a friend sent a text hoping to get together for all of us but mostly one of my kids and one of hers. I’ve been saying no a lot lately and felt like I needed to make an effort. In the middle of chores, extra dinner guests and soccer schedules, I lost sight that my friend was doing something really nice for my daughter, taking her out to breakfast and started to worry about the schedule.
In the middle of their nice breakfast, I was really rude. I sent an ugly text, not to that friend but another. My frustration leaked out that by letting Hanan go off with them, I might have thrown off not only my schedule but hers. I wasn’t kind. I was grumpy and said if Hanan was late, I would lose my lid. I sent it to my friend that was kindly taking my daughter out to breakfast.
Straight to hell is where I feel like I’m going. While I apologized in a text, I know that’s not enough. It was rude and uncalled for and not very Christian. If I was worried about Hanan not being at camp, I should have insisted on her staying home. Also, I’m clearly too old for this texting business.
So it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I am not the best kind of friend. Sometimes I forget to be grateful. Sometimes I’m just downright bitchy. If you don’t believe me, ask my husband.