Years ago, I was talking about adding to our brood and one of my cousins said she didn’t know how I could add any more because it’s like your heart walks around outside your chest. We they hurt, you hurt exponentially more. Oh how true that is. From Bria colliding at soccer so hard, that I worried she had a concussion to aches and growing pains you get from navigating the social waters of middle school. IT IS HARD.
Tonight, I sent one to bed with a heavy heart. Even though we tried to remind her that perspective is everything and hers might be slightly skewed, she was hurting because the reality is when you are 11, your perspective is everything. It’s what’s so very real in your heart. Even if the hurt is only perceived from a miscommunication it hurts just the same.
Mom likes to remind me that I didn’t have super close friends growing up. It worried her. I think I did okay and I still chat with some of the friends she considered to be not so close. I didn’t have time for the drama. It was easier to walk away and pick up a ball and play with the boys. I guess middle school is different or my girls are different. Either way, they can’t quite seem to walk away.
My sweet Hanan has always been one to feel her emotions more. If she’s sad, the world has come to an abrupt end. If she’s happy, it’s super contagious. She doesn’t have a middle ground. She is fiercely loyal. When she feels betrayed, it aches all over. She can’t shake it. Wait. Maybe she does remind me of someone. Maybe that is a little like me. Tonight, she is dealing with emotions she didn’t even know she had and I don’t know how to fix it and that just plain stinks.
It makes me want to pull them out of school, huddle them up at home. We have a big family so they won’t have to deal with all those other relationships. Then I remember eventually she’ll grow up. It’s better to figure out mean girls now. Because girls are mean. They are also jealous, ruthless, manipulative, conniving and well, not very nice. They aren’t to be trusted. That’s awful because if a boyfriend breaks your heart, you cry for a while and know that there are other fish in the sea. When girl friends hurt you, well no one tells you how to deal with that.
So this is what I’m telling her for the moment. My bootcamp trainer swears that we you push yourself to the brink, you create tiny little tears in your muscles and those muscles healing makes you stronger. It’s the same way with our hearts. Those tears hurt like a… they hurt. As time heals you, you’re stronger. You’re wiser. You know what to do. You can’t be afraid to open it up for more tears because those will just make you stronger too.
In other news, do you know how hard it is to not march up to those little girls who have done such mean things and give them at least the what for? Pretty stinkin’ hard.