I saw a sign recently. It said, “I laughed so hard tears ran down my leg.” At 40, there are days that I can relate. It usually involves a sneeze instead of a laugh but whatever. Last night, I thought about that sign except it wasn’t a tear. It was more like someone tapped a warm keg in my lap. It wasn’t warm beer or my own urine either… Let me back up.
I wasn’t exactly looking forward to our Sunday evening worship service at church. Bria was melting down. She didn’t want to go. Honestly, an hour long worship service for the six-year old can be a bit of a snooze fest especially if you’ve spent the afternoon in the pool and you’re exhausted. Adding insult to injury, as we pull out of the neighborhood all you see is the kids’ friends soaking up the late hours of a summer day and summer is almost over. Then there’s Jack. He was in trouble after our morning service. He wasn’t looking his usual chipper self. Ray left early because the night before a very rare storm led to lightening striking and the routers at the church were fried. He needed to fix them. So, I decided to fake it until I make it and packed all my grumpy people in the mom mobile and off we went.
Services started and I had to separate Jack and Hanan. Hanan has a tendency to get Jack wound up and noisy by teasing him. I guess it’s her form of entertainment when she doesn’t want to listen to a sermon. Quick reprimand and shuffle and I’m settling back in noticing Jack is upset. It wasn’t his fault so I put him in my lap to try and cheer him up. It was about this time that he started to smile and then his nervous laughter started. I was hugging on him, trying to make him smile and the nervous laughter got much worse. Then I felt it. There was a warm puddle forming in my lap.
Mama wasn’t happy. It’s not my first rodeo with Jack. You might remember that getting him home from Hong Kong, I smelled like pee on a very long flight. If you missed it you can read about it here. Ray has had diapers leak all over his back which is bad but I must say that when a six-year old looks you straight in the eye with the ability to ask to go to the bathroom and proceeds to pee in your lap… Let’s just say it didn’t matter that I was sitting in a worship service and I proceeded to lose all form of grace. Yes, Mom I remember peeing my pants and embarrassing you horribly when I was much older than 6. I’ve never claimed perfection.
I have a hard time disciplining Jack. Corporal punishment is apparently not supposed to be used on a no longer orphan. Jack can ask to potty. Jack can go to the potty by himself without asking. We’re back to accidents because he chooses not to ask or go. Call me horrible if you want but I stick him in the shower to clean him up with cool water. He’s not a fan. It worked for a bit. Last night, as I sat him back down in wet pants wondering what to do until our services were over, he looked at me and said, “I need a cold shower.” Yep. Parent of the year over here. Good grief.
So it’s Monday. I have more on my to do list than I care to think about it. Jack and I have both showered and we’re looking for a do over. Here’s hoping I remember to have grace today.